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A Bad Contact Lens DayJanuary 08, 2006 Day was going pretty well till I went into the john to put my contact lenses in, just before going to the barn. I fumbled the right one three times and then it disappeared. Couldn't find it on the floor or the sink, which was on the grungy side of clean; I tried several times to scrape it off my eyeball but it wasn't there either. It's anatomically impossible (so I'm told) to lose a contact lens in your eye, but I kept looking. Looking, hah. I peered into the mirror with my left contact in, but my contacts are for far-seeing so I couldn't see if there was a lens on my right eyeball. My right eye is the one that hasn't been the same since retina reattachment surgery, and it's got cataracts beside, so the vision isn't all that much better with the contact in. I removed left lens and put my reading glasses back on, searched eye and sink and floor: no lens. My mood slid into a death spiral. Damn wonky eye, when'll I have enough money for cataract surgery, if I had enough money I'd rather take a month off and work on Squatters' Speakeasy, screw the sick USian unhealthy don't-care non-system, what if my left retina detaches and I can't see the edge of the road, maybe the lens is in my right eye somewhere and I'm going to get a massive infection . . . You get the idea. The trick with these death spirals is to let them play out, notice what you notice, and don't let them drag you down. Got to barn late, still snarking; fed horses, turned Allie and Dolci out, did chores. Thought about riding; decided it was more important to buy groceries. With mood in death spiral it's important to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Groceries stashed in pantry and fridge, I contemplated getting back to work, but the sun was out, mood was still dicey, and riding seemed like a better bet. Good move. Barnmate was back from close encounter with screwed-up relative; we went for a brisk 45-minute trail ride then closed up the barn together. Very good move. Death spiral aborted. I'm still half convinced the stupid lens is floating around my eyeball somewhere, even though I managed to successfully insert and remove another right lens (these are the short-term lenses that are supposed to last for two weeks but I generally get almost four weeks out of each one -- the ones I don't lose) and intellectually I know that my right eye feels weird because I kept poking at it. Horses really are better for my health than health insurance.
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